Movie Review: Attack of the Sabretooth

Attack of the Sabretooth

Sci Fi Pictures, Film Brokers International, Wood Canyon Ventures, USA, 2005.

Guard Sakeasi (Natani Talemaitoga) goes inside the restricted area to pick-up a detached page from his adult magazine. Sabre-toothed cat eats him. By the way the flight of the detached page is CGI-animated. Niles Green (Nicholas Bell) and his partner  Alan (Nathaniel Kiwi) are having a meeting for investors interested in Primal Park including Niles' brother-in-law Grant (Robert Carradine). The park is testing genetic technology and cloning of extinct animals.

Sakeasi and his favourite literature

Alan and Niles

Grant

Group of students arrive to scavenger hunt. They must find items so that they can join their fraternity/sorority. Usual team of idiot jock Kirk (Billy Aaron Brown), goth girl Collette (Natalie Avital), hacker boy Robbie (Parry Shen), smart girl Alys (Cleopatra Coleman) and bimbo Alaina (Amanda Stephens). Security guards Savannah (Stacy Haiduk) and Sachariah (Rawiri Paratene) notice that  Sabre-toothed cats are missing. Meanwhile the stupid teens young geniuses search for items on the scavenger list and break into the research lab disabling the security systems. 

Savannah, Alan and Sachariah

The students: Robbie, Alaina, Kirk, Collette and Alys

Alaina, Collette and Alys

More people get eaten, the cats sure are hungry! They have Predator's heat vision.  However they tamely return to their cages when called (?) Savannah and her boyfriend Brian (Brian Wimmer) have a relationship crisis because Brian hears that Savannah's boyfriends always die in freak accidents. The surviving teens and the security guards team up to kill the cats. There is also a big mutant cat that moves slower than a bureaucrat.

Brian

Sabre-toothed cat

Dumb "Jurassic Park" ripoff with silly plot and horrible CGI effects. Absurd death scenes are gorier than in usual Syfy-flicks. The dialogue is hilariously awful. There are some attempts to add dark humour but it really does not work quite well. People get eaten but no one cares or even notices. It almost makes it to the so bad it is good- territory, but not quite. The director George Miller (not the "Mad Max" Miller) actually directed some good movies "The Man from Snowy River" and "NeverEnding Story II" but ended his career with this schlock film. The students by the way did not find all the items on the list.

Nice Fiji location shots though. What I learned from the movie:

Rating: Bad 

Starring: Robert Carradine, Nicholas Bell, Brian Wimmer, Stacy Haiduk, Rawiri Paratene, Susanne Sutchy, Cleopatra Coleman, Amanda Stephens, Natalie Avital, Billy Aaron Brown, Parry Shen, Nathaniel Kiwi, Bonnie Piesse, Natani Talemaitoga, Paula Dakini 

Director: George Miller