Movie Review: Private Valentine: Blonde & Dangerous

Private Valentine: Blonde & Dangerous a.k.a Major Movie Star

BenderSpink, DiNovi Pictures, Emmett/Furla Films, Family Room Entertainment, Gerber Pictures, Grand Army Entertainment, Major Productions, Millennium Films, Papa Joe Films, USA, 2008.

Megan Valentine (Jessica Simpson), America's Sweetheart has luxurious life. Her latest movie flops, her accountant cousin Barry (Kurt Fuller) embezzles her money and boyfriend Derek (Bryce Johnson) cheats her with her manager Nigel (Michael Hitchcock).

Megan Valentine

Sidney Green

She needs a change so she enlists in the Army. First Sergeant Morley (Vivica A. Fox) 'welcomes' the newcomers. Megan soon wants to go home. Her agent Sidney Green (Steve Guttenberg with a hideous fake tan) tries to find out where she has gone. However because she has already signed the contract and Army does not want bad PR, she must survive through the basic training.

First Sergeant Morley

Up! Down! Up! Down!

Megan gets some friends medical pot grower Hanamori (Keiko Agena), geeky Petrovich (Olesya Rulin), single mother Johnson (Jill Marie Jones) and not-a-gang-member Castillo (Aimee Garcia). Private Jeter (Cheri Oteri) has been in the Army before and she is very uptight. Training is hard and she fails all the time. There is also handsome but loud Sergeant Evans (Ryan Sypek) who starts to motivate her.

Sergeant Evans

Megan starts to shape up but meanie First Sergeant Morley is always picking on her. Megan also finds out the various reasons the other girls had to join the Army. Some are trying to support their families, some are earning money for tuition fees, some are following the career of their relatives. You know, the reasons people usually join the U.S. Army. Finally Megan and his team test their military skills in a team championship competition.

All's well that ends well

Basically this is a remake of "Private Benjamin." As her previous movie "Blonde Ambition" was much like 1980s-90s "Working Girl"- style comedies, this is like the military comedies of the same era. It could be described as chick flick version of "Stripes" or "In the Army Now." Goofy protagonist must find the values of comradeship and courage. Although the recruits are rivals, finally they are part of the same team. There is a healthy dose of self-irony about Jessica Simpson's image and satire about Hollywood lifestyle. Also in this movie Jessica likes to brush her teeth. Not all jokes hit the mark but there is enough light-hearted fun to make it entertaining. Again this was not popular in the USA but it was box office hit in Russia.

Rating: Good

Starring: Jessica Simpson, Vivica A. Fox, Steve Guttenberg, Aimee Garcia, Olesya Rulin, Keiko Agena, Jill Marie Jones, Ryan Sypek, Cheri Oteri, Gary Grubbs, Bryce Johnson, Floriana Tullio, Katie Chonacas, Andy Milonakis, Jennifer Finley, Harley Pasternak, Michael Hitchcock, Katherine Owens, Lara Grice, Travis Schuldt, Marco St. John, Brent Weisner, Christopher Ware, Keith Pratt, Bill Stinchcomb, Ryan Glorioso, Drew Waters, Tammi Arender, Darcel White Moreno, Bobby Washington, Michael Byrnes, Karen Adams, Candice Jones, DeAnna Charett, Kurt Fuller, Robby Atkins, Lindsay Small Barrios, Desi Page, James Paul

Director: Steve Miner