Movie Review: The Adventures of Hercules II

The Adventures of Hercules II a.k.a Hercules II a.k.a The Adventures of Hercules (Le avventure dell'incredibile Ercole)

Cannon Italia Srl, Italy, USA, The Netherlands, 1985.

Envious Gods steal Seven Thunderbolts of Zeus and evil forces are released on Earth. Moon is about to collide with Earth so someone has to do something. Humans are sacrificing maidens to Antios the Fire Monster. Sisters Urania (Milly Carlucci) and Glaucia (Sonia Viviani) are trying to destroy the monster and ask help from the little people. The little people tell that Hercules (Lou Ferrigno) can help them. Since the last movie, Hercules has become a constellation but Zeus (Claudio Cassinelli) sends the beefy hero back to Earth. 

Glaucia

Urania

Zeus

As soon as Hercules has arrived, he is attacked by a wookie. After punching the stuffing out of it, Hercules finds the first Thunderbolt. Meanwhile rebellious Gods and Goddesses Flora (Laura Lenzi), Poseidon (Ferdinando Poggi), Aphrodite (Margie Newton) and Hera (Maria Rosaria Omaggio) use major blood donation from Atreus (Raf Baldassarre) to resurrect King Minos (William Berger). Meanwhile Glaucia meets Hercules but slime people (eeeww)  have kidnapped Urania (Milly Carlucci). 

Hercules

Furry monster

Hera

Goddess Euryale (Serena Grandi) turns humans into stone. Hercules would make a fine door stopper but he disagrees. Euryale's henchmen green laser men(?!) are only an easy practise. Euryale requires a more careful approach as her gaze is lethal.

The Gods shouldn't have trusted Minos as he and evil scientist Daedalos (Eva Robins) plan to use Ice Sword to destroy the Gods. Hercules also visits Mermaid Thetis (Sandra Venturini) who gives Hercules powers to destroy Antios. But enemies do not finish there as evil amazons and spider queen Arachne (Pamela Prati) make life difficult for Hercules and friends.

Minos

Thetis

Aphrodite

It has the same kind of silly fun as the prequel. The plot does not matter so much, as long as there are wild and crazy events happening. The film is stuffed with mythical creatures, so even most boss battles are quick. Sometimes it feels like a Japanese rubber monster movie, as monsters jump out everywhere like ninjas. And the end fight has King Kong vs Godzilla in space, I'm not kidding. The previous film had Hercules epically pushing apart the continents of Europe and Africa. This time Hercules tops that and pushes apart Earth and Moon when they are about to crash. If a third movie was ever made, what would there have been left to push apart? Galaxies?

Hercules triumphant

Space King Kong vs Space Godzilla

The handmade monster effects of the previous movie are now mostly replaced by animation and rotoscoping effects. But there is a stopmotion fight with Euryale that nods to Ray Harryhausen's Medusa battle in the original "Clash of the Titans." Otherwise the regular enemies are men in rubber suits. I wouldn't be surprised if the slime people- costumes were  leftoevers from zome zombie film.

Euryale

The filming sets are quite exhilarating. The architecture constantly uses massive heads. We're not in Kansas anymore.

Flora's temple

Euryale's lair

The dimension of the little people

Lou Ferrigno's wife Carla appears as Godddess Athena.

Athena

Rating: Very good

Starring: Lou Ferrigno, Milly Carlucci, Sonia Viviani, William Berger, Carla Ferrigno, Claudio Cassinelli, Ferdinando Poggi, Maria Rosaria Omaggio, Venantino Venantini, Laura Lenzi, Margie Newton, Cindy Leadbetter, Raf Baldassarre, Serena Grandi, Eva Robins, Sandra Venturini, Andrea Belfiore, Alessandra Canale, Pamela Prati, Christina Basili, Paola Marcari
Director: Luigi Cozzi

Movie Review: Hercules (1983)

Hercules (Ercole)
Cannon Italia Srl, Golan-Globus Productions, Italy, USA, 1983.

The film begins with the creation of the world when Pandora's Jar appears in space. Jar jar breaks and forms the planets. The breaking of the jar releases also evil forces which is bad. In the battle of good and evil the humans must show what they're made of. The Gods living in Moon prepare to watch how the battle will end (only popcorn is missing). Hera (Rossana Podestà) roots for evil and Athene (Delia Boccardo) roots for good. To balance the battle, Zeus (Claudio Cassinelli) creates powerful hero Hercules (Lou Ferrigno)! He is raised in Thebes as son of King. 

Hercules

Zeus

Hera's Sacred Sword is stolen and traitors working for King Minos (William Berger) murder Hercules' parents. One of the maids puts baby Hercules into boat (and so Golan-Globus tied this story to the legend of  Moses). Zeus offers a helping hand to keep the boat safe. Hera does not like that and plans to destroy Hercules. And so baby Hercules does his first heroic act by destroying two big rubber snakes. 

Athene

Hera

A couple of farmers (let's just call them Uncle Owen and Aunt Beru) (Stelio Candelli and Gabriella Giorgelli) find the baby and raises him as their own son. Hercules grows up and trains his strength using Conan's Wheel of Pain Fitness Method(TM). Muscles are useful for farm jobs as the family does not need an ox to plow the field. Also uprooting trees with bare hands is a good workout. Hera's bear kills Uncle Owen (as Hercules' unlucky foster parents are short-lived), so the muscleman throws the pesky teddy into space. And so the constellation of Great Bear was born. 

We do not need ox!

It becomes common that Hercules throws a lot of stuff into space. Here's a log flying through space. 

Space log

King Minos (William Berger) believes in science (Science for the sake of Science!) and asks Daedalus (Eva Robins) to help kill Hercules. Daedalus sends mechanical monsters after Hercules but Minos is clearly unhappy to see how small they are. The first monster does not hurt Hercules but manages to kill Aunt Beru and that makes Hercules angry.

Daedalus

King Minos

There's nothing to gain from farm life, so Hercules seeks to do heroic deeds. Hercules has to prove his strength to King Augeias (Brad Harris). After that he has to clean the stables of 1000 horses. Princess Cassiopeia (Ingrid Anderson) falls in love with him but the gods have other plans. Hera's favourite, naughty Minean Princess Adriana (Sybil Danning) kidnaps Cassiopeia with help from traitorous advisor Dorcon (Yehuda Efroni).

Cassiopeia

Not at all suspicious looking King's Advisor Dorcon

Hercules swims to Sorceress Circe's (Mirella D'Angelo) island. Old granny offers some warm tea, then demands to get a small amount of Hercules' blood. It is a fair trade as the granny turns into beautiful sorceress. Hercules and Circe visit many places and even detach continent of Africa from Europe.

Xenodama, King of Africa (Bobby Rhodes)

After adventuring with Circe, the final quest is rescuing Cassiopeia from Thera. Thera is actually built above Atlantis, so Hercules contributes to the destruction of Atlantis too as collateral damage. Oops!

Nice granny offers some tea

Circe

Golan-Globus- duo produced a wacky mythical adventure with awesome cheese, vintage special effects and gorgeous women in skimpy dresses. Freely interpreted mythical story is combined with scifi-elements. It is nice that although being often clumsy, the special effects are still old school stop-motion effects. It is not Ray Harryhausen, but it has its moments. Fans of B-grade peplums find a lot of fun in this movie. Hercules fighting a laser-shooting metal centaur on a green planet with three moons shining on the sky, how awesome is that? Interestingly there is a lava pit sacrifice attempt oddly similar to "Indiana Jones and the Temple of Doom" that was made year later. "The Incredible Hulk"-star Lou Ferrigno has Herculean physique, being one of the bulkiest actors to play Hercules, and the script gives him every opportunity to use his muscles. As often in Hercules-movies, the hero has several scenes where he is chained and the he breaks the chains. Lovably camp movie experience throughout.

Metal centaur vs a man with a club

Adriana and Cassiopeia

Saved from the lava pit

Rating: Very good

Starring: Lou Ferrigno, Brad Harris, Sybil Danning, Rossana Podestà, Ingrid Anderson, Mirella D'Angelo, William Berger, Bobby Rhodes, Gianni Garko (as John Garko), Yehuda Efroni, Delia Boccardo, Claudio Cassinelli, Franco Garofalo (as Frank Garland), Gabriella Giorgelli (as Gabriella George), Raf Baldassarre (as Ralph Baldassar), Stelio Candelli (as Steven Candell), Valentina Montanari (as Valerie Montanari), Rocco Lerro (as Roger Larry), Eva Robins (as Eva Robbins, Giovanni Cianfriglia, Anthony La Penna, Edward Mannix, Mindi Miller, Marc Smith, Susan Spafford
Director: Luigi Cozzi

Movie Review: Jesus of Nazareth

Jesus of Nazareth
ITC Films, RAI Radiotelevisione Italiana, Italy, UK, 1977.

This year's Easter Special Biblical Epic is 6-hour miniseries made in 1977.

Part 1
Josef (Yorgo Voyagis) and Mary (Olivia Hussey) are betrothed. At night Mary gets God's message to go see her cousin Elizabeth (Marina Berti) who has gotten baby John who will become John the Baptist. Maria is now also pregnant and will get God's child. Joseph hesitates to marry Maria now, as that would be against the law of Israel but God says that everything will be alright.

The Roman Empire orders a census so Joseph and Mary must travel to Bethlehem. Herod (Peter Ustinov) fears that Messiah will take his throne. Jesus is born and the family has to escape Herod's assassins.

Part 2
John the Baptist (Michael York) preaches about coming of Messiah and baptizes Jesus (Robert Powell). Herod Antipas (Christopher Plummer) captures John. Jesus gathers the disciples and starts modernizing the rigid Jewish law system. Salome (Isabel Mestre), manipulated by her mother Herodias (Valentina Cortese), demands to have John the Baptist's head. 

John the Baptist

Isabel Mestre as Salome

Part 3
Jesus continues performing miracles. He gets two new followers: Judas Iskariot (Ian McShane) and Mary Magdalene (Anne Bancroft). Political intrigue around Jesus continues as the rebels and the rabbis would like to use him for their own purposes. Jesus goes to Jerusalem and teaches about loving thy neighbours. Jesus curses those who would like to deny Heaven from common people and those who are twisting religion to serve their own purposes.

Jesus

Judas Iskariot

Part 4
The Jewish priests decide fate of Jesus. Despite dissenting opinions they give Jesus to Romans and Jesus is crucified.

Ian Holm as Zerah

The script was written by Anthony Burgess (known for "Clockwork Orange"), which probably gave the political intrigue more spotlight than in usual Jesus films. The political tensions in Jerusalem at that time were increasing and the Roman rulers and Jewish priests wanted to avoid conflict. So the man who preached for peace became a scapecoat for the unrest.

The cast is strong and production values high. Music was composed by composer of epic soundtracks Maurice Jarre. The Biblical epics are always perfect chance for film buffs to play Spot the Star. Hey, it has Ian McShane as Judas Iskariot. Peter Ustinov as Herod the Great, Rod Steiger as Pontius Pilate, Anthony Quinn as Caiaphas and Laurence Olivier as Nicodemus. The Three Magi have Fernando Rey as Caspar, Donald Pleasence as Melchior, James Earl Jones as Balthazar. And many more. Robert Powell's Jesus has dreamer's eyes and solemn charisma. There is almost Ingmar Bergman style mystical humanism.

Ernest Borgnine as Centurion

James Earl Jones as Balthazar

Although artistically it may not be as strong as "Last Temptation of Christ" or "Passion" as a traditional film depiction of Jesus it is one of the best. Although available also in abridged cinematic version, the miniseries version is the version to see. The setback of that version is that it may feel overwhelmingly long (4x91 min), so it is best watched in parts. The beginning is slow but improves after the first part and really shines in the last two parts.

Rating: Very good

Starring: Robert Powell, Anne Bancroft, Ernest Borgnine, James Farentino, Ian McShane, Christopher Plummer, Olivia Hussey, Tony Vogel, John Duttine, Michael York, Jonathan Muller, Claudia Cardinale, Valentina Cortese, Sergio Nicolai, James Mason, Laurence Olivier, Anthony Quinn, Rod Steiger, John Eastham, Ian Holm, Ian Bannen, Keith Skinner, Keith Washington, David Garfield, Robert Rietty, Nikki Van der Zyl, James Earl Jones, Stacy Keach, Tony Lo Bianco, Donald Pleasence, Fernando Rey, Ralph Richardson, Peter Ustinov, Cyril Cusack, Yorgo Voyagis, Marina Berti, Maria Carta, Robert Beatty, Nancy Nevinson, Christopher Reich, Lorenzo Monet, Murray Salem, Steve Gardner, Cyril Shaps, John Tordoff, Isabel Mestres, Renato Montalbano, Bruce Lidington, Mimmo Crao, Oliver Smith, Martin Benson, Regina Bianchi, Robert Brown, Lee Montague, Renato Rascel, Oliver Tobias, Norman Bowler, John Phillips, Ken Jones, Renato Terra, Roy Holder, Jonathan Adams, Michael Cronin, Forbes Collins, Michael Haughey, Derek Godfrey, Robert Davey, George Camiller, Francis De Wolff, Antonello Campodifiori, Tim Pearce, Paul Curran, Mark Eden, Bruno Barnabe, Simon MacCorkindale, Lionel Guyett, Peter Harlowe, Carl Forgione, Donald Sumpter, Pino Colizzi, Norman Eshley, Yorgos Vogiatzis, Darien Angadi, Immad Cohen, Stefan Kalipha, Harold Bennett, Andrew Manson

Director: Franco Zeffirelli

Gladiators of Rome (Gladiatori di Roma)

Gladiators of Rome (Gladiatori di Roma) a.k.a Not Born to Be Gladiators
Medusa Film, Rainbow S.r.l, Italy, 2013. 

Young Timo is saved from Pompeii before volcanic eruption destroys the city but he loses his mother. He is adopted by Chirone, who owns a gladiator school. Timo becomes a fat slacker and he is not interested in being a gladiator. Timo's childhood's friend and Chirone's daughter Lucilla is returning home to marry Emperor's nephew Cassio. Cassio is also a popular gladiator and Timo's enemy. 

Timo

Chirone

Cassio and the gladiator babies

After seeing Lucilla Timo's friends Mauritius and Ciccius decide to help him to become a real champion. There they need witch's brew from Ciccius' grandmother Circe to make him strong. However Timo fails the doping test and gets kicked out of the gladiator school. Personal trainer & warrior woman Diana begins to train Timo for the half of his future profits. Finally the vigorous training culminates in Battle Royale in Colosseum. Can Timo win Lucilla back before the Colosseum collapses?

Circe

Lucilla

Diana trains Timo

This is a kiddie-friendly version of gladiator games, so no "Spartacus" style bloodletting or dismemberments here. However the style varies from Asterix style comical fights to stylized violence of superhero movies. Also it takes some shortcuts to avoid some ethical and tragical questions, after all the Roman gladiators fought to the death for the enjoyment of the audiences. Historical accuracy aside, the style is kept light and goofy. There are ever present cutesy animals and even a bunch of naughty gladiator babies! Some visual gags work and some do not. Plenty of contemporary references are included although less could have been better. One of the craziest pop culture references is the dude with Darth Vader's mask.

The gladiators

Ciccius, Mauritius and Timo in arena

The screenplay was written by Iginio Straffi (best known for "Winx Club") and and American Michael J. Wilson (known for "Ice Age" and "Shark Tale.") Technically it looks fine with nice looking characters and sceneries although it lacks the finesses of high-budget American productions. Except for the setting it is can not be said to be very original compared to the present animated movies, story is routine and traditional "guy must train hard to become a hero without resulting to cheating."  As entertainment it has enough fun and wacky characters to make it fun.

Audience

Grubbo the rabbit

The Scandinavian DVD includes English soundtrack (without subtitles) or Finnish, Danish, Swedish and Norwegian dubbed versions.

Rating:Good

Voice actors: John Scwab. Jo Wyatt, Flaminia Fegarotti, Tim Beckman, Emma Tate, Jonathan Keeble, Glen Wrage, Stuart Milligan, Walter Lewis, Mikey O'Connor, William Hope, Barbara Barnes, Jade Chesney, Jasmine Ireland, Jude Ireland, Naomi Macdonald, Mikey O'Connor, Alexis Nishihata, Emma Tate 
Director: Iginio Straffi