Movie Review: With Fire and Sword

With Fire and Sword (Ogniem i Mieczem) 

Agencja Produkcji Filmowej, Kredyt Bank PBI S.A., Okocimskie Zaklady Piwowarskie S.A., Telewizja Polska (TVP), Zodiak Jerzy Hoffman Film Production Sp. z o.o., Poland, 1999. 

Let's continue with Jerzy Hoffman's movies depicting history of Poland. "With Fire and Sword" is based on the novel by Henryk Sienkiewicz, who also wrote "Quo Vadis." 

It is year 1647 in Polish Commonwealth when the Kingdom has passed its top position and everything is going downhill from now on. The nobles have become corrupt, hedonistic and lazy. Oppressed tribes are rebelling and demanding justice and independency. Mercenaries are roaming the land searching for opportunities for fortune and glory.

Cossack Noble Zenobius Chmielnicki (Bogdan Stupka) is attacked by assassins but he is saved by Polish Hussar Jan Skezetuski (Michal Zebrowski). Jan was just returning from war and did not know that local Lord Czaplinski is hunting Chmielnicki. Czaplinski is not happy about it but Jan throws the pesky Lord out of the tavern. After all it was the actions of Czaplinski that turned Chmielnicki into enemy of Poland. Jan and simple but strong warrior Longinus (Wiktor Zborowski) want to join Prince Jeremi's (Andrzej Seweryn) service. Longinus has sworn celibacy until he can behead three enemies with one swordstroke. Hey, a man has to have his goals!

Chmielnicki

Jan Skezetuski

Longinus

On the road they help Old Princess (Ewa Wisniewska) and her young niece Helena Kurcewiczówna (Izabella Scorupco). Unluckily for Jan Helena already has an unpleasant suitor Cossack Colonel Jurko Bohun (Aleksandr Domogarov). There is still hope as Helena does not like hot-tempered Bohun. Bohun notices the chemistry between the two so Jan gets a dangerous enemy. After proposing her, Jan joins the service of the Prince. He meets also his old friend swordmaster Michal (Zbigniew Zamachowski). 

Helena

Bohun

Party!

The Tatars and Cossacks are restless and joining their forces. Jan and servant Rzedzian (Wojciech Malajkat) go to find out what Chmielnicki and the Tatars are planning. Jan is captured but Chmielnicki buys him free as he owes him his live. Chmielnicki plans a rebellion against nobles to detach Ukraine from the Polish Empire and Bohun has joined their ranks. The rebels win the first battles against Polish Hussars and the Kingdom is threatened.

Cossack army

Prince Jeremi

Polish Winged Hussars

Bohun finds out that Helena is betrothed to Jan so he kills Helena's family. Helena escapes with jovial former bar-keeper Zagloba (Krzysztof Kowalewski). Jan goes into desperation as he doesn't know if Helena is killed or captured. The land is in turmoil and from the humble origins mighty warlords rise. The allegiances shift and the outcome of the battles is always uncertain. 

Zagloba, Michal and Bohun picking a fight

Rzedzian

Cossack siege engine

This is a fine historical adventure, with story comparable to "War and Peace." The story has something for everybody, romance, passionate drama, huge battles, political intrigue, Rabelaisian vulgarity and cruel and unusual punishments. The characters are multi-dimensional. Jan is the hero who goes through extreme emotions during the story. Bohun is a tragic devil, anti-hero with heavy dose of Slavic melancholy. Drunkard Zagloba is better fighter than he seems and survives most battles just with his sheer luck. Rzedzian navigates easily between different factions bringing valuable information to the heroes obtaining some treasures on the way, that rascal. Chmielnicki is a freedom fighter whose actions bring death for thousands of innocents. There designers have not been thrifty, the costumes, sets and places look realistic and amazing.

There is also a role playing/strategy game "Mount & Blade: With Fire & Sword" where you can select your favourite faction and try to lead them to victory. Despite the interesting setting the game is not my cup of tea, I always get captured by bandits and lose my hard-earned equipment.

Rating: Very good

Starring: Izabella Scorupco, Michal Zebrowski, Aleksandr Domogarov, Krzysztof Kowalewski, Bogdan Stupka, Andrzej Seweryn, Zbigniew Zamachowski, Wiktor Zborowski, Wojciech Malajkat, Ewa Wisniewska, Ruslana Pysanka, Daniel Olbrychski, Marek Kondrat, Gustaw Holoubek, Andrzej Kopiczynski, Maciej Kozlowski, Adam Ferency, Gustaw Lutkiewicz, Dmitri Mirgorodsky, Jerzy Bonczak, Wlodzimierz Brodecki, Joanna Brodzik, Marek Cichucki, Rafal Cieszynski, Jerzy Cnota, Maciej Czapski, Lech Dyblik, Marek Frackowiak, Tadeusz Gloskowski, Krzysztof Gosztyla, Andrzej Graziewicz, Jerzy Karaszkiewicz, Pawel Kleszcz, Szymon Kobylinski, Krzysztof Kolbasiuk, Bernard Ladysz, Anna Majcher, Andrzej Pieczynski, Eugeniusz Priwieziencew, Stefan Szmidt, Przemyslaw Tejkowski, Leszek Teleszynski, Aleksander Wysocki, Janusz Zerbst, Andrzej Zólkiewski, Marek Marcinkowski, Aleksander Pociej, Tomasz Konieczny, Janusz Sieniawski, Michal Chorosinski, Zbigniew Zapasiewicz, Tomasz Abramski, Piotr Bala, Wladyslaw Baranski, T. Bat, Wlodzimierz Bednarski, Wlodzimierz Borysiak, Jerzy Braszka, T. Ciecierski, Jerzy Dukay, Jerzy Frykowski, Krystyna Gierlowska, Dariusz Gnatowski, L. Gurpienko, Andrzej Grabowski, Tomasz Grochoczynski, Andrzej Halinski, Krzysztof Artur Janczar, Ryszard Jablonski, Ryszard Janiak, Mieczyslaw Janowski, Józef Jarosz, Jan Jurewicz, Przemyslaw Kapsa, Adam Karaszewski, Marek Karpowicz, Piotr Komorowski, Michal Konarski, A, Kazimierz Krzaczkowski, Czeslaw Lasota, Karolina Lukaszewicz, K. Luksza, Tadeusz Mieluch, T. Mir, Jerzy Moniak, A. Nowak, Bartosz Obuchowicz, Jacek Radzinski, Radoslaw Rosinski, Przemyslaw Szajewski, Tomasz Szajewski, W. Szczecinski, Andrzej Szczytko, Zdzislaw Szymborski, Budsuren Tumen-Ulzyj, Adam Warchol, Juliusz Krzysztof Warunek, Magdalena Warzecha, Robert Wieckiewicz, P. Zbierski, Jacek Rozenek, Tomasz Bednarek, Wojciech Jakubowski, Olga Milaszewska, Ben Talar 
Director: Jerzy Hoffman

Movie Review: Beautiful Creatures (2013)

Beautiful Creatures (2013)
Alcon Entertainment, Belle Pictures, Warner Bros. Entertainment, USA, 2013. 

Based on novel by Kami Garcia and Margaret Stohl. 

Smalltown boy Ethan Wate (Alden Ehrenreich) has a recurrent nightmare of following a girl and then dying. Gatlin is a boring and ultra-religious place and Ethan wants something else so he reads books to dream about faraway places. Unfortunately most books in the town are banned. He has a pretty but dull and bigoted girlfriend Emily (Zoey Deutch). New mysterous girl Lena (Alice Englert) arrives to school. Her ancestors are rumoured to be devil worshippers. When Lena's car brokes down, Ethan gives her a lift to her home. Lena recommends Charles Bukowski's books to Ethan (how charmingly decadent!). However the towners are certain that Lena's arrival means that something evil is happening. 

Ethan

Lena

Savannah (Tiffany Boone) and Emily

Ethan wants to know Lena better. Lena lives with her uncle Macon Ravenwood (Jeremy Irons) who writes books that the towners want to ban. Macon does not like that Lena is seeing a mortal boy. Also Librarian Amma (Viola Davis) warns Ethan about the girl. Weird stuff happens.

Macon

Amma

Weird stuff happens.

Actually the weird stuff is magic related, lightning storms arise, dining table turns into a merry-go-round and a cartoon-like mini-cloud rains on Ethan. Lena's family are Casters (politically correct version of witches). They also bake tasty cookies (no, really!).

Mmm. Tasty cookies

Ethan thinks it is cool (the spell casting part that is). Lena's family is not evil, but Macon's half-sister Sarafine (Emma Thompson) is. The Casters have to follow either Light or Dark path (hello Star Wars!) when they turn sixteen and a curse prevents them from freely choosing their path. Lena's cousin Ridley (Emmy Rossum) turned wicked and Lena fears that she will too. The curse can be avoided but with a heavy price.

Sarafine

Ridley

Teen fantasy film is quite entertaining with a nice touch of Southern Gothic with Civil War reenactments and shady Louisiana forests. Although it represents the same supernatural teen romance genre as "Twilight" it manages to avoid being overly sappy (although there is still plenty of teen soap opera) and it has a bit more edge with less puritanic characters than in Twilight. It has some nice literary references and encourages reading challenged books. Also there is a running joke about wrongly spelled movie titles. However it is not perfect and has some serious flaws. At some points it feels that it is making heavy short cuts and leaving something out of the book (which I haven't read). Some sideplots were suddenly abandoned and for example the book banning plot had little to do with the actual conclusion. There are numerous characters that we are getting too little information about. Who are all these people? Ridley is depicted as Siren, are the other Casters also mythological creatures? The middle point where Lena is reading a grimoire wastes too much time and the story grinds to halt. The finale was still quite interesting and the target audience of young adult fantasy stories should be happy. What is nice that the visual style looks good and acting is great. Jeremy Irons and Emma Thompson and always good and Emma Rossum was a good femme fatale. The young actors are have good chemistry and probably have shining careers in the future.

Civil War reenactment has an important role in the story.

For some reason the Finnish DVD added random Swedish words into the subtitles.

This is the last of the witch themed movie reviews for now. Next time something else.

Rating: Average

Starring: Alden Ehrenreich, Alice Englert, Jeremy Irons, Viola Davis, Emmy Rossum, Thomas Mann, Emma Thompson, Eileen Atkins, Margo Martindale, Zoey Deutch, Tiffany Boone, Rachel Brosnahan, Kyle Gallner, Pruitt Taylor Vince, Robin Skye, Randy Redd, Lance E. Nichols, Leslie Castay, Sam Gilroy, Cindy Hogan, Gwendolyn Mulamba, Cole Burden, Billy Wheelan, Christopher Darby, Bryan Adrian, Camille Balsamo, Tim Bell, John R. Bennett II, Camille Blouin, Noelle Boggio, Colby Boothman, Beau Brasseaux, Cameron M. Brown, Edward J. Clare, Lindsay Clift, Jacob Coco, Milton Crosby, Erika Erica, J.D. Evermore, Lucy Faust, Andrea Frankle, Emily D. Haley, Charles Hunt, John C. Klein, Cynthia LeBlanc, Elton LeBlanc, Ryan Chase Lee, Wanda Leigh, Ada Michelle Loridans, Jamie Mackey, Treston Miles, Jeffery Nowell, Philippe Radelet, Erin Rementer, Codie Rimmer, Annette Doucet Sharpe, Russ Skains, Kay Smith, Jim Sojka, Jordan Sudduth, Nathan Alan Thomas, Jackie Tuttle, Joseph Uzzell, Justine Wachsberger, Julia Faye West, Rachel G. Whittle, Teri Wyble 

Director: Richard LaGravenese 

Movie Review: The Witches of Eastwick

The Witches of Eastwick

Warner Bros., Guber-Peters Company, Kennedy Miller Productions, USA, 1987.

In a small town of Eastwick three women are more or less bored of their lives. Alexandra Medford (Cher) is a struggling ceramic artist. Sukie Ridgemont (Michelle Pfeiffer) is an overworked reporter and a housewife with million kids. Jane Spofford (Susan Sarandon) is a reserved music teacher who gets unwanted attention from Principal Walter (Keith Jochim). In a school celebration the rain interrupts Walter's boring speech. Funnily all three women wished for the same thing. All women wish to meet a mysterious stranger. And lo, that's what they get.

Oops, not that guy.

Daryl Van Horne (Jack Nicholson) moves into the town. Daryl's arrogance and vulgarity sweeps the ladies off their feet. The trio spends time in Daryl's mansion talking about life, sex and Daryl shows magick tricks. Gossips spread in the small town and the women get a bad reputation. Ultra-religious Felicia Alden (Veronica Cartwright) becomes their sworn enemy, but not for long as she dies in a freaky homicide. All three women get pregnant and Daryl may be the Devil himself. Unable to escape him, the women use Daryl's black magick against him with bizarre consequences.

Sukie, Alex and Jane

Daryl Van Horne

Horror comedy directed by George 'Mad Max' Miller is not one of his best but still fun. It is a strange film, partially it feels like a light sex comedy before taking direction towards Exorcist-style gross-out humour and later it evolves into creepy horror. There are some similarities with "Rocky Horror Picture Show." Susan Sarandon turns from shy girl to sex bomb, there is a weird mansion where the visitors loose their inhibitions and even a Riff Raff (minus the hair) look-alike Fidel (Carel Struycken). Well, it's not a musical and Jack doesn't wear a corset.

Jack Nicholson does a memorably devilish role and it must have been good training for the role of the Joker couple of years later. The main trio is entertaining and the dialogue is good. Still the special effects in the end feel overdone, and leave the feeling of what did I just watch? Soundtrack by John Williams nicely creates playfully magical feeling, and he was nominated for an Oscar for the best original score.

Rating: Good

Starring: Jack Nicholson, Cher, Susan Sarandon, Michelle Pfeiffer, Veronica Cartwright, Richard Jenkins, Keith Jochim, Carel Struycken, Helen Lloyd Breed, Caroline Struzik, Michele Sincavage, Nicol Sincavage, Heather Coleman, Carolyn Ditmars, Cynthia Ditmars, Christine Ditmars, Craig Burket, Abraham Mishkind, Christopher Verrette, Becca Lish, Ruth Maynard, Lansdale Chatfield, Carole White, Babbie Green, Jane A. Johnston, Merrily Horowitz, Harriet Medin, Margot Dionne, James Boyle, John Blood, Ron Campbell, Eugene Boles, Corey Carrier, Kate Barret, Dan Edson, Anthony Falco, Kevin Goodwin, Tara Halfpenny, David Hazel, Melanie Hewitt, Matt Kane, Anne Lindgren, Jessica MacDonald, Corinna Minnar, Scott Nickerson, Stephen Oakes, Ann Senechal, James Staunton, Amy Warner, Jeff Beery, Grenville Cuyler, Robin Eddins, Kevin Fennessy

Director: George Miller

Movie Review: Da Hip Hop Witch

Da Hip Hop Witch

Barnholtz Entertainment, Raging Nation Films, Mogal Productions, Flutie Entertainment, USA, 2000.

What did I pay for this film? 50 Cents naturally.

'The Black Witch of the Projects' attacks the rap stars. It looks like a beautiful woman but turns later into a freakish monster. A very bad groupie probably. The rap producers offer ten million dollars for capturing the witch. Five white kids from Salem with Will (Dale Resteghini) as their leader travel to NYC and try to blackmail rap moguls. Street Don (La the Darkman) makes a bad deal with Big Z (Elijah Rhoades) who wants to take over his company. Street Don gets actually murdered at some point. Ghetto homeboys want to whack the witch. Mr Krump (David Scott Klein) the media mogul wants a good spoof so that means job for tabloid reporter Miss Josephine (Sherrita Duran). Her new secretary Dee Dee Washington (Stacii Jae Johnson) suspects that the witch is only a story told to boost record sales. Whatever. Nothing of that matters.

Eminem as himself

Will (Dale Resteghini)

Dee Dee Washington

So what we have one and a half hours (that feels like 12 hours) of detached scenes of rappers talking dirty and smoking weed, gangstas blustering and idiots cruising on the streets. At least the director knows a lot of rappers as numerous stars including Eminem, Ja Rule, Pras, Mobb Deep, Vitamin C, Rah Digga and Vanilla Ice(!) appear as themselves in endless series of interviews where they tell about their incoherent encounters with the witch. Especially Eminem gets extremely tiresome when he repeats and repeats and repeats (AAAARGH!) the story about how he went to some party in hope of getting free drugs and ended up being molested by the witch (and revealing something about his sexual fetishes that we really didn't want to know). 

Ice Ice Baby

Professor X

Big Z

The movie is shot with handheld cameras in faux documentary style (= it looks like crap). It looks as if the cameramen were just as stoned as the rappers. Frankly, most home movies look better than this. Plotwise (when it finally gets going in the last twenty minutes) it is a rough parody of 'Blair Witch Project' and one of the terrible ripoffs that tried to piggyback on the popularity of the original. 

Just Cruisin'

I have seen some bottom-of-the-barrel hip hop/gangsta movies (for example "The Wrecking Crew"  and "Hood Angels") but this one is more like a hole in the barrel. If I someday make a list of worst hip hop films, this will rank in the top positions.

The movie was made just before Eminem's big break. It was so terrible that he wanted his scenes removed from the film. However the demands were overruled. To add to the insult the distributor Artisan Entertainment inserted a big picture of him in the VHS and DVD covers. Just about the only good thing about it is that it kinda works as an anti-drug education. Don't do drugs or you may agree to appear in films like this.

Stay away from Da Hip Hop Witch!

Rating: Very bad

Starring: Eminem, Ja Rule, Pras, Vanilla Ice, Rah Digga, Mobb Deep, Charli Baltimore, Dale Resteghini, Steve Grillo, William Harbour, Amy Dorris, Mia Tyler, Spliff Starr, Stacii Jae Johnson, Vitamin C, Benzino, Jonathan Martin, Rock, Michelle Bernard, David Scott Klein, Sherrita Duran, Elijah Rhoades, Tony Prendatt, Namakula the Goddess, La the Darkman, Afu Ra, Professor X, Charlene Quashie, Culver Casson, Jolene Vettese, Pamela Schamberge, Dina Herdigein, Deborah Rigaud, Lucien Taylor, Raven Davis, Beverly Peele, Killah Priest, Royce 5'9", The Outsidaz, Severe, Hell Razah, Dyme, The Cella Dwellas, Lord Jamar, Lidu Rock, Deuce Dutch, 44 Fiedel, Dani Girl, Ill One, Jo Jo, Made Men, 803, Makeba Mooncycle, TC, Diezzle Don, Rhytm Trip, Northstar & Deniro, Chris Simmons, Hangmen 3, Sci, reg reg, Eric Rhea, Parker Holt, Jordan Ashley 
Director: Dale Resteghini

Movie Review: Salem Witch Trials

Salem Witch Trials
Alliance Atlantis Communications, Spring Creek Productions, Canada, USA, 2002.

In 1691 the winter has been harsh and Indians are restless. Small Puritan colony in Salem has a fire. Annie Putnam (Katie Boland) is traumatized when her mother Anne (Kirstie Alley) gives birth to a dead baby for the third time. Anne is depressed by losing the babies and does not know what sin she has done. The villagers suspect that evil forces are causing the accidents. Thomas Putnam (Jay O. Sanders) supports a fanatic priest Samuel Parris (Henry Czerny) who is whipping the sin out of the villagers. Samuel's wife Elizabeth (Rebecca De Mornay) is ill. Stubborn and zealous Putnams and Walcotts have a feud with more liberal-minded and business-oriented Porters and Proctors. 

Rev. Samuel Parris and Elizabeth Parris (Rebecca De Mornay)

Thomas Putnam

Anne Putnam

As church won't help Anne, she asks help from Herbalist Bridget Bishop (Shannon Lawson) who is thought to be a witch. Annie sees them meet and gets a hysteric fit and barks like a dog. Previously she saw young William Proctor (David Christo) imitating birds (that was considered unnatural!) so her behaviour was caused by this and the religious stress.

Rebecca Nurse

Israel Porter

Tituba

Joseph Putnam (Zachary Bennett) wants to marry Lizzy Porter (Kristin Booth). Her father Israel Porter (Colin Fox) is in shipping business and accepts the marriage. Joseph is the half-brother of Thomas and Thomas opposes the marriage. Joseph presses Reverend Parris to enforce Puritanism and purge the unclean. Secretly Parris has hots for his Indian slave Tituba (Gloria Reuben) who is the nanny of family's daughter Betty (Elana Shilling) and her cousin Abigail Williams (Sophie Bennett). Tituba is also a fortune teller so that makes her suspicious. Young girls get hysterical so it must be the work of the Devil. The girls blame various villagers for practicing witchcraft. Witch trials are organized to save the village. Not even everybody's pious friend Rebecca Nurse (Shirley MacLaine) is safe from the accusations. Witchfinders Increase Mather (Heinar Pillar) and William Stroughton (Peter Ustinov) arrive to conduct the trial. Scientifically oriented Governor Phips (Alan Bates) has his doubts about the validity of the trial. Thomas Putnam is a professional complainer and many of the accused are his opponents but the Governor is not interested in questioning the religious folks. Twenty villagers are hanged and more are imprisoned.

William Stroughton

Loveless village and oppressive religion probably caused the psychiatric symptoms of the village children and some acted like possessed to gain attention. It has also been suggested that poisonous alkaloid producing ergot-fungi poisoned rye and caused the hallucinations and convulsions of some of the "possessed." The fungus explanation is actually vaguely hinted in one scene. The paranoid atmosphere gave Porters an opportunity to get rid of their political opponents and sexual frustrations and fanaticism of Parris helped to fuel the accusations. There is a film "Crucible" made of the topic, that is more focused on the girls and the trial. "Crucible" was based on Arthur Miller's play that combined Salem's history with an allegory of McCarthy's communist hunts in the 1950s. The mini-series goes deeper into the historic explanations of tensions in the village. "Salem Witch Trials" seems more historically accurate although it has also taken some artistic liberties.

It has good actors and a powerful story about one of the darkest moments in American history. Perhaps the most strongest performances are from Kirstie Alley, as Tom Putnam's wife, who overcomes her superstitions begins to see the real reasons behind the witch hunt and from Shirley MacLaine who finds her own version of religion. Peter Ustinov is also great in one of his last roles. If there is something to complain it is the bad special effects happening in the first few minutes.

Rating: Very good

Starring: Kirstie Alley, Henry Czerny, Gloria Reuben, Jay O. Sanders, Kristin Booth, Katie Boland, Alan Bates, Rebecca De Mornay, Peter Ustinov, Shirley MacLaine, Shannon Lawson, Colin Fox, Camille Wainwright, David Hemblen, Susan Coyne, Nadia Litz, Dixie Seatle, Zachary Bennett, Bradley Reid, Tannis Burnett, Sophie Bennett, Elana Shilling, Amy Stewart, Mairon Bennett, Marisa McIntyre, Sarah Kanter, Nancy Beatty, Tabitha Lupien, Megan Bower, Jackie Laidlaw, Nicky Guadagni, David Christo, Cara Pifko, Hannah Lochner, Linda Prystawska, Arlene Mazerolle, Desmond Ellis, Heinar Pillar, Irene Poole, Adrian Hough, Lindsay Collins, Julian Richings, Chris Benson, Philip Sheperd, Aron Tager, Anne Anglin, Tom Bishop, Anne Page, Tammy Isbell, Paulette Sinclair, Oliver Becker, Araby Lockhart, Jean Daigle, Ned Vukovic, John Watson, Valerie Boyle, Bill Lake, Scotty Cook, Jim Feather, Ken Kramer, Sheldon Yamkovy, Clyde Whitham, Maggie Blake, Sally Clelford, Jason Sharman 

Director: Joseph Sargent