Movie Review: Army of Valhalla

Army of Valhalla (Stara basn. Kiedy slonce bylo bogiem) a.k.a Ancient Tale: When the Sun Was God a.k.a The Old Fairy Tale: When the Sun Was God a.k.a The Old Fairy 

Zodiak Jerzy Hoffman Film Production Sp. z o.o., Telewizja Polska (TVP), Syrena Entertainment Group, Agencja Produkcji Filmowej, Zodiak, Poland, 2003. 

Based on historical characters and Józef Ignacy Kraszewski's novel "Stara basn."

Evil Prince Popiel (Bogdan Stupka) and wife Ksiezna (Malgorzata Foremniak) plot to murder Popiel's nephews to make their son the next prince. Then Popiel takes hostages to keep the tribes under his thumb. The witches predict that Popiel will be defeated by heroes and he will be eaten by mice. 

Popiel and Ksiezna

Viking archer Ziemowit (Michal Zebrowski), son of hero Piast, saves pretty witch Dziwa (Marina Aleksandrova) in the forest. Romance must wait as Popiel's thugs are hunting down the dissidents. Guardian Piastun of the nephews (Daniel Olbrychski) is ambushed in the forest and Ziemovit saves him too. Ziemowit wants to marry Dziwa but she is already promised to Gods. Ziemowit abducts Dziwa but she stabs him. What will now happen to the prophecies? 

Ziemowit

Dziwa

Guardian Piastun

I don't know if something is lost in the translation or did the movie change some details, as the film seems to refer the Guardian (Piastun or Piast) and Ziemowit's father as separate characters but historically Piast was Ziemowit's father. 

The tribes start rebelling against cruel Popiel. Popiel recruits mercenary Vikings to crush the rebellion and sends creepy spy Znosek (Andrzej Pieczynski) to get information. The rebels prepare for war but their no-tactic attack is brutally pushed back. They need heroes to lead them. Luckily Guardian is a tactical genius and Ziemovit was just wounded. There is also girl named Mila (Katarzyna Bujakiewicz) who wants Ziemowit and goes to Witch Jarucha (Ewa Wisniewska) to get love potions. That doesn't end happily as the Vikings attack just when the magic starts to work.

Znosek

Mila

Tribal army

Jerzy Hoffman directs historic epics that are criminally unknown outside of Poland. However "With Fire and Sword" and "Battle of Warsaw 1920" are available even as Finnish DVDs. The British DVD cover of "Army of Valhalla" looks like attempt to lure the viewers with stylized violence of "300." There are some gory battles but more in 1980s medieval war movie style, maybe Paul Verhoeven's "Flesh+Blood" or John Boorman's "Excalibur" would be closer to the depiction. However the cover is not completely misguiding as the big Viking warrior with the horned mask appears in the movie. Even without the axe he is a formidable character. He is legendary Viking Jarl Sigvald (Dariusz Juzyszyn) who actualy lived some hundred years after Popiel's reign. But this is not so much a movie about Vikings but historical fiction about origins of the Polish nation.

Jarl Sigvald

Macbethian historic adventure from pre-Christian Poland depicts the time when Odin-worshipping Vikings clashed with the Eastern European Sun-worshipping tribes and the Old Gods had not yet been subdued by Christianity. The story has bearded honorable warriors and fair maidens with decent amount of Pagan eroticism. Those who are bored with Hollywood spectacularism and special effects should try these European down to Earth historic adventures.

Harvest festival

Warriors of Odin

Popiel's castle

Rating: Good 

Starring: Michal Zebrowski, Marina Aleksandrova, Malgorzata Foremniak, Daniel Olbrychski, Bogdan Stupka, Anna Dymna, Ewa Wisniewska, Maciej Kozlowski, Jerzy Trela, Andrzej Pieczynski, Katarzyna Bujakiewicz, Ryszard Filipski, Jan Prochyra, Dariusz Juzyszyn, Marcin Mroczek, Michal Sieczkowski, Adam Graczyk, Maciej Chorzelski, Andrzej Krukowski, Krystyna Feldman, Krzysztof Zarzecki, Maria Niklinska, Wiktor Zborowski, Grzegorz Emanuel, Sylwester Maciejewski, Ryszard Ronczewski, Tomasz Zaliwski, Zdzislaw Wardejn, Marceli Nowek, Ryszard Jablonski, Jan Janga-Tomaszewski, Edward Warzecha, Jerzy Dukay, Arkadiusz Bazak, Jerzy Braszka, Mariusz Jakus, Eryk Lubos, Maciej Zakoscielny, Stefan Szmidt, Aleksander Skowronski, Stanislaw Wdowczyk, Zdzislaw Szymborski, Andrzej Shalew, Bogdan Miklaszewicz, Krzysztof Lukaszewicz, Andrzej Graziewicz, Sergei Motenko, Janusz Sadowski, Wojciech Tomasz Biernawski, Mieczyslaw Janowski, Aleksander Pociej, Michal Chorosinski, Mariusz Drezek, Andrzej Kobylas, Marek Cichucki, Sylwester Zawadzki, Karolina Gruszka, Jerzy Hoffman, Robert Koszucki 

Director: Jerzy Hoffman

Movie Review: Thrill Seekers

Thrill Seekers a.k.a The Time Shifters
Abandon Pictures, Avenue Pictures, Carlton America, Hamdon Entertainment, USA, Canada, 1999. 

Tom Merrick  (Casper Van Dien) was a star TV reporter whose overambitiousness cost the live of two of his working partners in power plant disaster. He was only saved because he was confused when he saw a strange man loitering in the burning building. Tom is traumatized, loses his marriage and says goodbye to his career.

Years later he is happy getting a job in a quality magazine. You know, the kind of magazine with articles such as 'Hitler found: exclusive first interview' and 'Boy trapped in furnace eats own foot.' His first assignment is to write an article about historical disasters. Researching old pictures reveals that the same man with a black hat (Julian Richings) has always been sighted at the locations of disasters. Maybe there is a centuries old conspiracy behind the accidents. That could be scoop of the century if the photographs are real. So Tom travels to find the original archived photos only to notice that the same man is in the airplane and that the airplane is about to crash. 

HIgh quality journalism

Time Tourist

Tom hijacks the airplane to avoid the crash. After preventing the disaster Tom is arrested by the FBI only to be kidnapped by agents from the future (Theresa Saldana and Peter Outerbridge). He manages to escape but the cops think he is a terrorist. Apparently tourists from the future are coming to watch the disasters. Together with colleague Elizabeth Wintern (Catherine Bell) Tom tries to prevent the next disasters. 

Elizabeth Wintern

Cortez and Felder

Better than average TV-movie has an interesting idea although the economic production reminds that you are watching a TV-movie and it could have worked also as a higher budget film. In Casper Van Dien's filmography this is one of the more interesting ones. The plot keeps in its grip, with couple of clever twists although the time paradoxes that the story creates are quite absurd if thought seriously. Director Mario Azzopardi has scifi-experience for directing episodes for such series as "Outer Limits" and "Stargate SG-1." Martin Sheen appears as a travel company boss from the future. Many of the actors are familiar faces from TV. Catherine Bell appeared in "JAG" and Theresa Saldana in "The Commish". Julian Richings looked familiar and no wonder as he has a long career of acting in scifi-films and TV-series, including "Cube", "Supernatural" and "Orphan Black." 

Recommended for scifi fans who liked "Outer Limits."

Rating: Good

Starring: Casper Van Dien, Catherine Bell, Theresa Saldana, Peter Outerbridge, Julian Richings, Lawrence Dane, Catherine Oxenberg, Mimi Kuzyk, James Allodi, Deborah Odell, Martin Sheen, Matthew Bennett, Marc Donato, Stephen Bogaert, Sumela Kay, Carole Mackereth, Trevor Bain, Matt Birman, Jim Codrington, Brendan Connor, Kathryn Humphries, Oscar Hsu, Tony Meyler, Billy Otis, Lee Smart, Robert Thomas
Director: Mario Azzopardi

Movie Review: Lake Placid vs Anaconda

Lake Placid vs Anaconda
Curmudgeon Films, Syfy, UFO Films, USA, Bulgaria, 2015. 

Two monster reptiles from the namesake franchises clash in the death match.

Jim Bickerman (Robert Englund), who barely survived the previous sequels of "Lake Placid", helps shady scientists capture giant crocodile from Black Lake for their illegal genetic engineering project involving anacondas. The reptiles destroy the mobile laboratory and escape. Jim, security guy Beach (Stephen Billington) and couple of the scientists survive.

Jim Bickerman

Snake in a can

Beach reports back to the company's evil CEO Sarah Murdoch (Annabel Wright) who decides to get the anacondas back no matter the cost. Meanwhile Game Warden Will Tull (Corin Nemec) and Sheriff Reba (Yancy Butler) start to investigate the strange disappearances of the local folks. Tull's daughter Bethany (Skye Lourie) and other college girls travel to Clear Lake. In Clear Lake there are no crocodiles. Or that's what they think.

Will Tull

Reba

Murdoch and Beach

So the crocs start to chomp local rednecks and the girls in bikinis (tops optional), and then the giant snakes arrive to finish the meal. Can Tull save his daughter before it is too late?

Bethany (Skye Lourie) and Margo (Ali Eagle)

Amber (Sophia Lorenti) and Tiffani (Laura Dale)

Melissa (Jenny May Darcy) and Heather (Carolina Bratanova)

Syfy's horror comedy goes the usual route. Some of the jokes are dumb and fun, some miss their mark. The plus side is using the characters from the the previous films to bring some continuity (although I am more familiar with the Anaconda series than the Lake Placid series). Of the characters most are usual stock characters, some of the funniest characters are sarcastic goth Margo (Ali Eagle), and sorority leader Tiffani (Laura Dale), such a nasty woman. What is slightly disappointing is that it is more of a killer croc movie and the anacondas are almost having cameo roles. It brings nothing new to the genre but sometimes it is enough to have some cheap semi-campy monster mayhem with hot girls so in that sense the movie delivers what it promises.

Rating: Good (as a B-monster film) orBad (as a regular film)

Starring: Corin Nemec, Yancy Butler, Skye Lourie, Robert Englund, Annabel Wright, Oliver Walker, Laura Dale, Ali Eagle, Georgina Philipps, Heather Gilbert, Jenny May Darcy, Nigel Barber, Kalina Stoimenova, Carolina Bratanova, Sophia Lorenti, Vanessa Dimitrova, Deni Tsvetkova, Luke Dinchev, Anton Poriazov, David Roth, Adara Stone, Derek Morse, Velislav Pavlov, Nikolay Bakalov, Jason Small, Isaac Haig, Natasha Jane Pyne, Stephen Billington

Director: A.B. Stone