Movie Review: Action Man: X Missions

Action Man: X Missions a.k.a Action Man The Movie

Hasbro Entertainment, Reel FX Creative Studios, USA, UK, 2005.

Dr. X is back and in better condition than he was in the end of the last film thanks to latest technology. Still he haven't made a new face for No Face (a running joke in these films). People and zoo animals are being kidnapped all over the world. Dr. X, No Face and Professor Gangrene are combining humans with animal DNA and creating Toxic Troopers. Action Force has to save the world again.

Action Man

Red Hawk and Flynt

Prof. Gangrene looks like Admiral Ackbar. 

International Scientific Defence Chief Sir Arthur Strong is kidnapped and Second in Command Mr W. doesn't believe Action Man when he says that Dr. X is still alive. Not before the robots knock knock knock on the heavy door.

Dr. X

Cuts, slices and dices.

Don't tase me, bro

Robots are no match for the heroes but Toxic Troopers are harder as they are mutated from innocent people so they can not be killed. Sir Arthur's agent daughter Rebel comes to support the heroes. Together they travel in exotic locations searching for secret bases and clues on how to change the Toxic Troopers back to normal.

Expectations were not high after the previous film, but X Missions gave some positive surprises. The production values are higher compared to the previous film with better looking animation and better music. Never mind the next picture.

Actually the animation level is mainly nice but some scenes look like they run out of money or time so there is some unevenness. The action scenes are better and there is more humour. Maybe the makers understood that Action Man as a hero is quite generic, so they made the villains interesting and fun. Dr. Gangrene is quite a character and No Face and Dr X pull their own crazy show.

Rebel

Group hug!

It is more entertaining than the prequel with light-Bond style story. The story has been recycled from another Dale Carman animation "G.I. Joe: Valor vs. Venom" but why change a working script. The third movie of the Action Man trilogy was made but released only in Mexico so I don't have it.

Rating: Good

Voice actors: Oliver Milburn, Jonas Stuart, Brian Drummond, Steven Berkoff, Sam Vincent, Scott McNeil, Tabitha St. Germain, Gerard Plunkett, Ron Halder, Brian Dobson, Lee Tockar, Ashleigh Ball

Directors: Dale Carman, Keith Lango

Movie Review: Action Man: Robot Atak

Action Man: Robot Atak a.k.a Action Man: Robot Attack

Hasbro, Arcana Digital, USA, 2004.

Action Man started his career as a British licensed version of G.I. Joe. As a kid I didn't play with Action Man toys. For me Masters of the Universe-series was the thing.

Super criminal No Face disguises himself as Action Man and kidnaps Professor Moran and Kongo the Gorilla. Also a moustached robot army is attacking. Action Man becomes fugitive and he suspects that Dr. X is behind the mischiefs. Dr. X bought the farm in some previous adventure, but No Face has turned him into a cyborg. A.M. and his friends Indian tracker Red Wolf and surfer dude Flynt have to break into their own base to get their equipment. Luckily Action Man is the toughest guy there is and the guards barely notice anything. A.M. should train his guards better.

Action Man and Red Wolf

Flynt

No Face has kidnapped Professor Moran.

Then the team jumps around the world fighting evil robots and trying to ruin Dr. X's plot (as Action Force is the only special operations team in the world). In one absurd scene Action Man has to fight a strongman robot in a boxing ring while robot audience is cheering. Because every evil genius has to have a boxing ring in his lair.

Kongo

Dr. X

I must break you

The Finnish dub was funny to listen to for the over dramatic voice acting.  Especially Red Wolf sounded very dead serious. Non-Finnish readers will not get this but Dr X's voice actor sounded like evil version of Finnish comedy character Jukka Emil Vanaja. 

Power hug!

The film was made for marketing the current line of A.M. toys and also a game for Nintendo Gameboy was made. Cheap looking action movie finds its audience from little boys whose mums will most likely consider it too violent and noisy. This is a stupid movie but luckily made tolerable by some unintentional comedy and amusing dialogue. The action scenes look quite awkward. The plot is generic and struggles to fill the 45 minutes. It had just enough story for an regular length Saturday morning cartoon episode and the detached segments are weakly tied together. For undemanding Action Man fans only.

Rating: Bad

Voice actors: Finnish cast: Iku Viitanen, Markus Blom, Pauli Virta, Ossi Ahlapuro, Bruno Lähteenmäki, Arto Nieminen, Elise Langenoja. English cast: Steven Berkoff, Johnny Duakes, Pierre Maubouche, Eric Meyers, Oliver Milburn, Talia Shively, Jesse Spencer

Directors: Steven Burch, John Moffett, Chris Woods

Movie Review: Immortal (Immortel ad vitam)

Immortal (2004) (Immortel ad vitam) 

Téléma, TF1 Films Production, CiBy 2000, RF2K Productions, Force Majeure Productions, Medusa Film, TPS Star, Cofimage 13, Natexis Banques Populaires Images 2, Sofica Valor 6 France, Italy, UK, 2004. 

Based on Enki Bilal's Nikopol Trilogy comic books. 

Flying Egyptian pyramid has parked in the sky of NYC. God Horus has apparently been naughty as the other gods strip him of his immortality. He has one week to finish his business and then: "You're fired!" Corrupt Senator Allgood (Joe Sheridan) supports evil medical corporation Eugenics that is conducting experiments on space aliens who pop out from the gateway in Central Park. Inspector Froebe (Yann Collette) is inspecting serial murders where the victims suddenly explode. 

Just a normal day in NYC

Horus

Jill

The law enforcement keeps their prisoners deep-frozen. A part of the prison falls down and Horus saves rebel leader Nikopol (Thomas Kretschmann) as he wants to use Nikopol as a puppet for his own purposes. Nikopol sees that the world has changed but the spirit of rebellion that he started still lives on. Alien girl Jill (Linda Hardy) has lost her memory and Dr. Elma Turner (Charlotte Rampling) finds her physiology interesting. Horus needs an offspring and he also finds Jill's physiology interesting. Nikopol is not happy about his role in the ménage à trois. Eugenics sends also Hammerhead/human hybrid assassins to join the game. And then there is a mythical Charon-like figure John (Frédéric Pierrot) who is not bringing souls to the Underworld but bringing important aliens to Earth. 

Dr. Elma Turner

Nikopol

Froebe

Horus as a god is all-powerful the humans are just pawns in his game. The gods have also a weird sense of humour. However in the end as his immortality is nearing its end it almost seems that even he has learned something about humanity.

The movie has a cool but strange visual style mixing CGI-animated characters and human actors, being more of an animation than live action. Only Linda Hardy, Thomas Kretschmann and Charlotte Rampling are not animated. It takes a bit time to get accustomed to the fully CGI-rendered characters. I guess it looks like it does because it tries to show the humans that have biomechanically altered are meant to look fake while the unmodified humans look real. Mythology, Tarkovsky and Baudelaire references. The flying taxicabs seem to be common in French scifi, so "The Fifth Element" seems to owe a lot to Bilal's original comics. The story has more in common with Japanese anime and Mamoru Oshii's films than Hollywood scifi. Although there is some action it is quite heavy in philosophy and symbolism. However the movie looks at times too synthetic and the visual style takes the front seat. Some plot elements are left vague and for example Allgood's presence in the story does not have much other point than him being a general nuisance. Not all the side plots have a satisfying conclusion and questions remain open. Probably I have to get the original comic to see how different it is compared to the film. Not perfect but fascinating to watch and recommended for friends of smarter scifi.

Too much plastic surgery makes you look like Lili and Allgood

Bartender in 2095

Rating: Good

Starring: Linda Hardy, Thomas Kretschmann, Charlotte Rampling, Yann Collette, Frédéric Pierrot, Thomas M. Pollard, Joe Sheridan, Corinne Jaber, Olivier Achard, Jerry Di Giacomo, Dominique Mahut, Gary Cowan, Augustin Legrand, Javon Constantin, Owen Steketee, Joel Mitchell, Shush Tenin, Vanessa Hope, Charles Maquignon, Derrick Brenner, Rhonda Constantin, Tony Vanaria, David Gasman, Thierry René, Jacquelyn Toman, Eddie Crew, Mark Reed, Rochelle Redfield, Max Delor, Barbara Scaff, Dominic Gould, Geoffrey Carey, Allan Wenger, Paul Bandey, Coralie Seyrig, Goran Vejvoda, Helen Later, Paul Barrett, Leslie Clack, Lemmy Constantine, Robert Dauney, Geoffrey Greenhill, Irene Palko, Féodor Atkine, Jacques Bonnaffé, Patrice Bornand, Géraldine Bourgue, Bernard Brieux, Pierre-Jean Chérer, Anne-Laure Delpech, Nathalie Lacroix, Pierre Laplace, Lucienne Legrand, Marine Logier, Françoise Lorente, Michael Ozanon, Alexis Perret, Christophe Ratandra, Christophe Raymond, Philippe Risler, Jean-Claude Sachot, Christopher Thompson, Jean-Louis Trintignant 

Director: Enki Bilal

Movie Review: Jupiter Ascending

Jupiter Ascending
Warner Bros., Village Roadshow Pictures, Dune Entertainment, Anarchos Productions, USA, Australia, 2015.

Let's watch the much-bashed scifi flick from the Wachovskis.

Jupiter Jones (Mila Kunis) is a pessimistic cleaner (the 20th century equivalent of being a swine-herder) whose Russian father (James D'Arcy) was killed by mobsters. The stars promised her great future but it did not happen and she hates her life. Elsewhere in the Universe aristocratic Abrasax-family is harvesting planets (kind of Rapture). They happen to own also Earth but the inheritance causes a family strife. 

Jupiter Jones

Balem Abrasax

Titus Abrasax

Balem Abrasax (Eddie Redmayne) sends space bounty hunters to kill Jupiter but rollerskating space-werewolf fallen angel Caine Wise (Channing Tatum) saves her. Caine's old friend Stinger Apini (Sean Bean or Bee-an, pun intended) helps also. Jupiter hears that she is of royal family and the real inheritor of Earth. The bad news is that the grand destiny of humankind is to be component of Ultimate Intergalactic Anti-Aging Wrinkle Lotion^TM. Claiming the inheritance is difficult as Jupiter must face the most paralyzing force of the Universe: The Bureaucrats. (This segment gives also justification for cameo of bureaucratic scifi veteran Terry Gilliam). Jupiter meets also Kalique Abrasax (Tuppence Middleton) and Titus Abrasax (Douglas Booth) who has a serious mother complex. 

Caine Wise

Space Luchadores!

Cool spaceships

Usual route of betrayals, love and difficult decisions follows. Visually the movie looks great. The Wachowskis have always been taking influences from anime, mythology and often from big scifi operas. "Matrix" meets "Dune" with some "Stargate" and "Mass Effect" thrown in. There is a well detailed world, ambitious ideas and the costumes are très chic. There are plenty of genetically altered aliens, the grey, reptilians, elephant-man named Nesh (Ganesha anyone?) and space luchadores. Sadly after the start the premise starts to collapse under its own weight an George Lucas Syndrome kicks in. There is just too much stuff that is just quickly brushed aside. Also the interesting ideas and ewferences to mythic, esoteric and occult sources would have needed a deeper approach than the scratch-of-the-surface style Hollywood handling.

Reptilian

Elephant guy Nesh

One big flaw is that the overstuffed story does not have room for making the characters interesting enough. Jupiter is mainly a passenger in the story and not as interesting character as she could be. She turns very quickly from downtrodden cleaning lady to a space princess whom naughty lord wants to marry. It is up to Caine and Stinger to keep up the action. Sadly the movie does not feel fun or unique enough in the surge of big budget scifi spectacles. The flop at box office shows that even visionary filmmakers like Wachowskis to distinguish themselves nowadays.

It is not bad but it should have been much better. Watch it at least for the gorgeous visual effects, mythical sounding names (and a cyborg lawyer named Bob) and cool morphing space fighters.

Rating: Average

Starring: Mila Kunis, Channing Tatum, Sean Bean, Eddie Redmayne, Douglas Booth, Tuppence Middleton, Nikki Amuka-Bird, Christina Cole, Nicholas A. Newman, Ramon Tikaram, Ariyon Bakare, Maria Doyle Kennedy, Frog Stone, David Ajala, Doona Bae, Gugu Mbatha-Raw, Edward Hogg, Tim Pigott-Smith, James D'Arcy, Jeremy Swift, Kick Gurry, Larissa Kouznetsova, Demetri Theodorou, Lieve Carchon, Oleg Nasobin, Emily Warren, Vanessa Kirby, Spencer Wilding, Andy Ahrens, Charlotte Beaumont, Georgia Winters, Elsa Mollien, Sean Baker, Bryony Hannah, Sarah Campbell, Jiggy Bhore, Samuel Barnett, Claire Benedict, Peter Yapp, John Locke, Grant Stimpson, Sarah Crowden, Terry Gilliam, Rupert Frazer, Katherine Cunningham, Luke Neal, Simon Dutton, Neil Fingleton, Derek Lea, Joe Walking, Michela Meazza, Cliff Fleming, Hazel D'Jan 

Directors: The Wachowskis

Movie Review: Hands of Steel

Hands of Steel (Vendetta dal futuro) a.k.a Atomic Cyborg a.k.a Fists of Steel a.k.a Hands of Stone a.k.a Return to the Terminator a.k.a Return of the Terminator a.k.a Cyborg a.k.a Destroyer 

National Cinematografica, Dania Film, Medusa Distribuzione, Italy, 1986. 

Part of the Mill Creek Sci-fi Invasion 50 movie box. 

In the future radiation disease is spreading. Environmentalist Reverend Mosley (Franco Fantasia) is holding a rally against polluting but industrialists Francis Turner (John Saxon), Cooper (Roberto Bisacco) and Hunt (Sergio Testori) send programmed cyborg assassin Paco Queruak (Daniel Greene) to kill him. The human side of Paco intervenes and he only wounds Mosley. Paco escapes to desert where acid rain almost melts his car and lowers the resale value.

Paco Queruak

Reverend Mosley

Francis Turner

In a desert motel he gets a temporary job as handyman from Linda (Janet Agren). Cyborg's muscles are useful for chopping wood. Also arm wrestling is easy and he beats dirtbag champion Raul (star of Italian cult-trash films George Eastman). Raul is a sore loser and arranges nasty surprise to Paco. Also another challenger Anatola Blanco (Darwyn Swalve) appears. 

Linda

Raul Morales

Anatola Blanco

Saxon sends European hitman Peter Howell (Claudio Cassinelli, who died during the filming in helicopter accident) after Paco. Cops Bakey (unknown actor) and Dr. Peckinpah (Amy Werba) try to find out who was behind the assassination attempt. Howell sends Eddie (Andrea Coppola) and female cyborg Susie (again uncredited actress who looks like Daria Nicolodi, these Italian B-films sure are badly documented!) to kill Paco. This leads to the best action scenes of the movie.

Dr. Peckinpah and Bakey

Peter Howell

Susie

This is quite fun cheapo Eurotrash action film, set in "twenty Minutes into the Future." Lots of macho action, pulp violence and some arm wrestling. Okay, it looks very cheap and the fight choreography is that Paco hits enemies with his cyborg hands and the bad guys hit the floor. Still the testosterone-fueled movie is fun to watch and never gets boring. It has also quite good synth score by Claudio Simonetti, keyboard player of Goblin. Set in the future that looks just like the 1980s!

Possible weapons

Laser gun goons

Rating: Good

Starring: Daniel Greene, Janet Agren, Claudio Cassinelli, George Eastman, Roberto Bisacco (as Robert Ben), Pat Monti, Andrea Coppola (as Andrew Louis Coppola), Donald O'Brien, Frank Walden, Darwyn Swalve, Amy Werba, John Saxon, Bruno Bilotta, Franco Fantasia, Edward Mannix, Dean Ricca, Ted Rusoff, Susan Spafford, Sergio Testori, Alex Vitale, Frank von Kuegelgen
Director: Sergio Martino (as Martin Dolman)