Movie Review: Skeleton Man

Skeleton Man a.k.a Skeletonman 

Martini Films, Nu Image Films, Two Sticks Productions, USA, Bulgaria, 2004. 

Archaeologists Charles and Marissa find the skull of Indian chief Six Bears. Hooded Skeleton Man (unrecognisable Paul Sampson) kills them with axe and sword. He takes the skull. Soldiers are sent to stop Skeleton Man but they all die. Undercover search and rescue team with Captain Leary (Michael Rooker) is sent to rescue the search and rescue team that went to save the soldiers (bit like "Hot Shots 2"). The other notable members of the team are Staff Sgt. Oberron (Casper Van Dien) and Lt. Scott (Sarah Ann Schultz). It's no use trying to remember the other names as Skelly kills them soon. 

Lt. Scott and Capt. Leary

Staff Sgt. Oberron

Skeleton Man is like Predator, with heat vision (that effect looks useless during daytime, like a 3D-movie without the red/green glasses) and teleporting skills. Every time he punches someone, the victim flies at least 10 feet. He has also magical ability to switch weapons on the fly between spear, club and sword and a modern axe he seems to have purchased from hardware store together with his vinyl raincoat. He also has bow he uses to shoot down helicopters. Also his horse can change colour! Or then it is bad editing and everything. 

Skeleton Man with his brown horse

The rescue team meets an old blond Indian (Robert Miano) who likes beans. He says that Old Joe is trying to prove himself by scalping warriors. While he was alive he killed his tribe. The skull from the beginning is never mentioned again. Skelly's real name is Cotton Mouth Joe. Indian's story does not help much, Cotton Mouth Joe is just some guy who kills people. 

Old Indian

Skelly continues killing soldiers, huntsmen and a fisherman. Only Leary and Lt. Scott survive. Finally Skelly goes to kill the employers of chemical factory. Leary blows up the factory and Skelly dies (or does he?) Movie ends.

Skeleton Man

Ha! IMDB Trivia says:
In Germany the movie is tagged as a comedy-film and not as a horror-film. The advertising slogan on the DVD-Package announces "Here lives the spirit of Ed Wood".

It is a fitting description as the film is clumsy and badly done with laughable production values. It looks like the scriptwriter, prop department and whoever was responsible for continuity just gave up. 

The dialogue tries to be macho with lines like "This reminds me of when we were in Laos" but is is just pointless as the soldiers are the worst special force team ever. Michael Rooker has a Vietnam flashback that is from some other film. The cinematography is ugly with jerky camera movements and continuity errors are everywhere. The monster himself looks like a man with cheap Halloween mask and cheap plastic raincoat or alternatively ragged cloak (it changes). Cheap gore effects make the incredibly stupid kills look even more stupid. Everything explodes, even trees. The scars on soldiers' faces change sides and sometimes vanish completely, the same goes also with Michael Rooker's arm wound. 

Fun fact: Paul Sampson performs the uncredited role of Skeleton Man but he performs also the role of hunter named Nathan, who is killed by Skeleton Man. 

Johnny Martin is a talented stunt man but oh man his directing skills...

Rating: (Depending on the mood)Very bad or So bad it is good 

Starring: Jackie Debatin, Eric Etebari, Jonathon Klein, Robert Miano, Timothy V. Murphy, Maurice Nehru, Lisa Oliva Rodriguez, David E. Ornston, Carlos Rodriguez, Michael Rooker, Bill M. Ryusaki, Paul Sampson, Sarah Ann Schultz, Booboo Stewart, Maegan Stewart, Nils Allen Stewart, Renee Steward, Noa Tishby, Joey Travolta, Jerry Trimble Jr., Dominiquie Vandenberg, Casper Van Dien, Natalie Alexander, Carlos Buti, Philip Hersh, Paul Dion Monte, Andrew Stubblefield, Ernesto Trinidad, Mike Wike 

Director: Johnny Martin