Movie Review: Abraxas - Guardian of the Universe

Abraxas - Guardian of the Universe (a.k.a Abraxas - Guardian of the Galaxy a.k.a Zombie 9, Zombies in space)
Phoenix Entertainment Group, Rose & Ruby Productions, USA, Canada, 1990. 

This movie is published as a part of Sci-fi Invasion 50 movie pack box published by Mill Creek Entertainment. 

Abraxas (wrestler, actor, Governor and conspiracy theorist Jesse Ventura) is an 11000 year old celibate (yes, it is essential information for the plot) intergalactic cop i.e Finder who is sent to stop his former partner gone renegade Secundus (Sven-Ole Thorsen). Nasty Secundus has travelled to Earth to gain ultimate power. Secundus asks the first woman he sees: "Are you a birthing member of the human species?" He then impregnates her by touching her belly. "I really do need your body!" he declares. Sonia's (Marjorie Bransfield) child will be Comator (or something) who can solve Anti-Life Equation and allow access to Anti-Life Universe making him a god. 

Abraxas

Secundus

Sonia

Abraxas arrests Secundus and sends him to intergalactic penal colony. Abraxas is then ordered to kill Sonia but he refuses. Sonia has difficult time with her family as she does not know who the father is. Five years later Sonia is living with her mute son Tommy (Francis Mitchell) in a small town. It is unknown if Tommy is a pinball wizard. Secundus escapes jail and Abraxas is sent to find and terminate Comator. The wormhole travelling goes wrong and Abraxas and Secundus lose their weapons except for their Answer Boxes. Answer Box has VD (Vibrational Detection) and it can destroy the persons who do not have the solution of Anti-Life Equation. The Finders were taught to avoid VD(!)

Tommy

Johnny

Effects of Vibrational Detection

Spot James Belushi as the school Principal (he probably agreed to the cameo to support the film of his fiancee Marjorie Bransfield). Tommy is bullied in school for being mute and the Principal wants to kick Tommy out of the school. Sonia suggests that the Principal should tell the bullies to stop bullying. The Principal seems surprised and agrees to try that!

The Principal

Meanwhile local cop Johnny (David Mitchell) is flirting with Sonia. Secundus is looking for Sonia and murders some innocent bystanders. Abraxas and the cops arrive to the crime scene and try to save a hostage. Tommy uses psionic skills to humiliate bullies. Tommy and Sonia go to the movies while their friend Betty (Lee Anne Simms) and her kid are watching their house. Secundus attacks them but Abraxas saves them. Secundus stabs him with a lamp(!). Sonia returns home and recognizes Abraxas as the man who did not kill him years before. Secundus continues the search in the strip club. "I'm looking for a man. A wo-man!"

Abraxas, Tommy and Sonia go to hide with Sonia's friend Maxie (Al Timmer). Abraxas tells more about himself and Sonia falls in love. Secundus has a nice breakfast and goes to search for Tommy. Chases and random explosions ensue. 

Romantic scene

Jesse Ventura looks particularly wooden in this low-budget scifi. Sven-Ole Thorsen mumbles with thick accent like Ahnuld in his better days. Hilariously wooden but absurd dialogue with deadpan delivery, out of place romantic saxophone music, randomly changing seasons and effects that would have looked old even in the 1980s. At times if feels like Z-grade "Terminator" with random stuff blowing up but has also some surprisingly sympathetic drama with struggles of single-mother Sonia. Hey, it is even a kind of Christmas movie! 

Director Damian Lee appears as one of Abraxas' bosses. 

Rating: So bad it is good

Starring: Jesse Ventura, Sven-Ole Thorsen, Damian Lee, Jerry Levitan, Marjorie Bransfield, Ken Quinn, Marilyn Lightstone, Moses Znaimer, Robert Nasmith, Kris Michaels, Layne Coleman, Francis Mitchell, Sonja Belliveau, James Belushi, Erica Heenan, John Blackwood, Rae Johnson, Adrian Burnett, David Mitchell, Al Timmer, Michael Copeman, Michael Scherer, Kathy Tapin, Zion Forest Lee, Tyrell Janos, Jason Turnpenny, Lee Anne Simms, Johnny Askwith, Johanna Householder, Sarah James, Leo Armoffe, Alex Ruge, Ellen Dubin, Kate Healey, Christine Wilson 

Director: Damian Lee