Thursday, July 31, 2014

Movie Review: 500 MPH Storm

500 MPH Storm
Starring: Casper Van Dien, Michael Beach, Sarah Lieving, Bryan Head
Director: Daniel Lusko
Indy Entertainment, The Asylum, USA 2013
When watching The Asylum films, you don't watch them for high quality film-making. Instead you search for the "so bad it is good"- type of experience. Often they are ripping off some big budget hit films (3 musketeers, Abraham Lincoln vs. Zombies, American Warships, Jack the Giant Killer), but they also make some crazy monster/catastrophe films (Sharknado, Mega Shark Versus Giant Octopus). Usually the acting is bad, the CGI-effects are worse and dialogue is silly.
A perfect example of CGI in Asylum movies
Government's energy experiment goes bad and huge hurricanes are developing. The generator has feedback so it makes the storms stronger and stronger. Meanwhile the inventor of the energy generator and high-school teacher Nathan Sims (Casper Van Diem), his son Johnny (Bryan Head) and wife Mona (Sarah Lieving) are attending a hot air balloon rally. There is some nice balloon cinematography in the beginning.

Pretty balloons
Nathan seeing the incoming hurricane

One brilliant example of dialogue comes when the storm destroys hot air balloons:
-Never seen a balloon explode. I mean they exploded! People exploded! They blew up!
-Just, calm down. Play your game or something.
-Johnny, game!

Johnny is by the way the most annoying character in recent movie history.
Nitpicky Johnny won't eat a sandwich because it is stale
Hurricane nearing the Sims residence
So Nathan must take his family to shelter, which means driving or running constantly away from the storm. Luckily their SUV can evade the hurricanes easily. It seems that the Sims are the only family in the USA trying to escape the storm, there is very little other traffic. Nathan must find a way to use the power generator to stop the storm. As a bonus the power generator may also melt and release radioactive fallout enough to pollute whole USA.

Especially Casper Van Dien does some serious overacting. The film becomes almost parody of itself. Although the plot itself is routine catastrophe film stuff, the film keeps surprising with it's WTF moments. Such as soldier becoming trapped on the wrong side of door when Nathan and the soldiers are escaping a flood. It looks like Nathan is slamming the door shut in front of the poor guy! Or when lightnings are hitting trees and forest is burning, there is a bloke playing guitar calmly sitting under a tree. Didn't he smell the burning trees at least? Also the weather is always nice and sunny, when the storm is only few minutes away. There are numerous other examples.
Run away! The forest is burning!
There were even two guitarists!
The Asylum managed again to make an enjoyingly horrible film. Nothing sucks like 500 MPH storm!
After the storm. Notice the weird perspective
Rating: So bad it is good

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